Taking the decision to flee an abusive home is a terrifying one. It is made even more difficult when young children are involved and their safety is at stake.
That is exactly the decision two mothers from Caerphilly had to take as they left their abusive partners with their young children in tow.
Charisse left her home after her ex-partner began emotionally abusing her while she was pregnant with her daughter.
She said: “I was an inch away from saying no to going to a refuge because I didn’t know what to expect.
“I had a lot of physical pain while I was pregnant, which limited my movement. I’d offer to do jobs around the house, but whenever I tried to he would tell me to sit down. Afterwards, he would throw it back in my face, saying he has to do everything around the house and criticising me for never helping.”
It was after she fled her home that she arrived at a Llamau shelter in Caerphilly County Borough. There she met fellow service user, Clare.
Clare left her abusive partner of eight years with just her twin sons and a small suitcase.
She said: “Things had become so bad that I hardly remember the last two years we were together.
“It started when he moved me to his local area. He told me I wasn’t allowed to leave the house without him. I wasn’t allowed to drive or go to work and he controlled all of our finances. It wasn’t long before I was completely isolated.
“I never knew when he was going to lose his temper or what would happen when he did. He was determined to break me down.”
Now the two survivors, who did not want their surnames published, have launched a book they have written to help parents and children in a similar situation.
The project has been a collaboration between the authors, charity Llamau, Caerphilly’s Parent Network and PETRA Publishing.
Granny Grey Saves the Day is an illustrated children’s book that tells the story of a mother and her two children who flee an explosive volcano – an analogy for an abusive partner.
They are greeted by Granny Grey, who sails the seas meeting parents and their children who have had to leave their home, and provides them with a safe place to stay until they find a new one.
The book was launched at an event in Caerphilly Library on Friday, July 13.
The book will now be given to every young child who moves into Llamau’s refuge accommodation as part of a welcome backpack.
Many families arrive with nothing but the clothes they are wearing.
Speaking to Caerphilly Observer at the launch, Clare said: “When you walk into a refuge, you are so broken.
“Moving in was a huge mix of emotions. I had no idea what to expect, or where we were going to go from here. My boys were only six years old at the time. I was worried for them and how they would cope.”
“We lived in the refuge for five months in total. It doesn’t sound like long, but it felt like a lifetime.
“It’s a huge achievement to turn the bad experiences we have gone through into something so positive.
“We enjoyed creating the book so much, to see it in print is simply amazing. ”
Charisse added: “I wanted to do this to help other families who go through similar experiences. It can be incredibly scary for children.
“What we want other mothers and children to take from this is comfort and reassurance. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
“‘It was hard moving into refuge and sharing a room with the two kids, but the support from Llamau helped to make the transition easier.
“Because my ex had controlled our bank accounts, I found it hard to budget once I had access to my own money again.”
The characters in the book are based on real people the ladies met during their time in Llamau’s refuges.
Clare’s twin sons and Cherisse’s daughter and son are also inspirations for certain characters.
Sam Austin, Llamau’s Deputy Chief Executive, said: “This is a really important event. When mothers make the decision to come into a refuge, it is difficult, but it is always right.
“For children, it can be a scary experience. Although our amazing colleague do a brilliant job of comforting them, this book will allow them to have additional help on their journey to a brighter and better future.
“Often, when mothers make this decision, they have a very small window of opportunity. It is vital that children are provided with the tools to help them understand the experiences are going through.”
Llamau was founded more than 30 years ago to provide homeless teenagers with a safe place to stay and merged with Caerphilly Women’s Aid in 2010.
Last year they supported 149 women and 119 children in their refuges in the Caerphilly and Merthyr areas.
Hefin David, Assembly Member for Caerphilly, said: “Llamau offer a much-needed service to young people and women who will often depend on support from trained professionals.
“The book launch at Caerphilly Library offered a good opportunity for invitees to listen to real life experiences through an interactive format”.
• If you, or somebody you know, needs help or support you can call Llamau’s Live Fear Free Helpline on 0808 80 10 800.