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Phil Williams is worried about men’s health. 

There are, he says, 12 men on average who take their lives every day. This was recorded in the Men and Mental Health Report, produced by the Mental Health Foundation in 2021. 

Now, he’s on a mission to change things. The heart of that mission lies in the garden behind Rhymney Bowls Club.

Here, Phil runs the Upper Rhymney Valley Men’s Den, a space where men can relax, teach and learn new skills or just have a chat over a cuppa. 

While the current focus is renovating the garden, the heart of the group is about local men having a space to come together. 

“Hopefully places like this, you know, the Men’s Den,” said Phil, “gives them somewhere they can go to sort of vent and get things off their chest.”

Phil, 64, is a smiley, gregarious person full of banter but his own struggles are part of the reason he started the group.  

He said: “When I had my breakdown, that was the biggest thing.”

It was then he thought: “If I’m going through things there must be other people going through things.” 

Phil, who lives in Pontlottyn, had always been an outgoing person, working in teams underground, and playing team sports before working in the community just before the pandemic.  

When he was put on furlough, his life drastically changed, he said: “My head just went.”

Phil credits his wife for being there for him during that time. He said: “We sort of fought back out of it.”

Then, Phil got involved with Lads and Dads, a men’s mental wellbeing group who are based in Bridgend but cover the whole of Wales. 

They had a big impact on him – he still dons their bright orange beanie. Now, he’s an advocate for men’s wellbeing and runs the Men’s Den which started around 18 months ago. 

“I didn’t want to live anymore”

Phil says that men bottle up their feelings. 

“We just don’t talk,” he said, adding with a cheeky smile, “well, I do, I don’t stop.”

He clarified: “In terms of our emotions.”

The group is only for men, and Phil has received a bit “of stick” about this, but there is a good reason for the separation.

“The dynamics are different in a mixed group,” he said, adding that when it’s just men the language can be more “colourful” and people can open up a bit more. 

That’s been true for Newton Wessels, 60, who attends the Tuesday sessions. 

Newton, from New Tredegar, said: “There have been days where I’ve come up here and I felt like I didn’t want to live anymore.

“And just being here with Phil has put me in a good spot.”

Newton was married for 40 years and his recent divorce put a “very, very big cloud” above his head. 

He continued: “I didn’t have anybody else to talk to. Phil has been my rock.

“I’d recommend anybody that’s in the situation that I’ve been in to come up and have a go.”

Newton was recommended the Men’s Den by Sofia Obregon from the CCBC Community Connectors.

She said: “I have signposted people I work with to the group and Phil has always welcomed them and made them feel that they have a safe place to talk about the way they are feeling.

“He can relate to men in the community experiencing problems with their mental health as Phil has experienced those himself.

She continued: “Mental health shouldn’t be a stigma anymore, but unfortunately it is still, especially around the communities where we work and live. 

“Having said that, groups like the one Phil runs are a great way for men in the community to get together where everyone will have something in common to share.” 

But anyone is free to come, whether they want to chat about something or just get outside and work in the garden to improve their physical health. 

Phil has a “vision” to complete the garden by the Spring or Summer of 2024 so it can then it can be used by the community. 

He said: “When the garden is ready, especially in the summer, people can come up, they can have a sit down in the garden.”

He’s already reached out to a local school that will come and use the space as an outdoor garden soon. Phil made contact with Multiply, which helps to improve people’s functional numeracy, and also hopes to turn the bowls club into a community hub. 

Communities need to be “at the heart” of health solutions

Phil helps the community but has also had assistance in setting up the group.

To set up the Men’s Den he received a grant from Welsh Water, donations of timber and a grant from the Integrated Wellbeing Network (IWN) at Aneurin Bevan University Health Board.

David Llewelyn and Heather Manson from the IWN were a “catalyst” for the group, according to Phil.

The Integrated Wellbeing Network aims to support and strengthen wellbeing and health in communities to improve people’s quality of life and reduce the strain on healthcare and other services. Cwtsh and the wellbeing guides are also a part of their work. 

David told Caerphilly Observer why he’s involved with groups like the Men’s Den. 

He said: “Communities need to be at the heart and leading on that preventative approach because it is about ensuring those good connections in communities.”

David continued that the Men’s Den helps in that area, and said: “People can go and they can socialise, they become physically much more active and we know the challenges we’ve got that are around things like mental health, particularly at the moment.”

He added that his role is to “enable” – but the community response, like Phil’s, is key. 

David continued: “If it weren’t for people in the community doing these sorts of things, the stresses and strains on the health service would be absolutely enormous – so I take my hat off to every little thing that’s going on there.” 

In the garden, there are planters the Men’s Den volunteers have built – Phil plans to pot Cordyline.

And while Phil jokes it’s not “Tivoli Gardens” just yet, anyone who comes along can be sure of a warm welcome, a cup of tea and a trusting, safe space. 

As Phil said: “Whatever happens in the den, stays in the den.”

The Men’s Den runs at Rhymney Bowls Club in the War Memorial Park every Tuesday from 2pm to 4pm.

If you’ve been affected by anything in this article you can contact Samaritans on 116 213.